I’m sure he won’t testify. But that didn’t stop me from writing an approximation of how it would sound.
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COURT CLERK: Please place your hand on this bible.
TFG: I brought my own. It also has the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the takeout menu for a tremendous hamberder place, and the script for my comeback episode of The Apprentice, all for the low, low price of $69.99, cash only, payable to my legal fund.
COURT CLERK: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
TFG: Hell no. Why should I start now?
(Starts to drift off, then abruptly wakes.)
The whole thing was rigged! totally rigged! You should arrest the Democrats because it was rigged! Lock ‘em up! Joe Biden is too senile to beat me, and also he rigged everything because he’s a Macchiato...Mercutio….Machu Picchu….Covfefe.
ATTORNEY: I think you mean Machiavelli, but this is actually the case about the —
TFG: I had every right to take those documents! They were personal mementoes, and Vlad is paying top ruble for them.
ATTORNEY: I can see why you’d have trouble remembering which case was which, but this is the hush money case.
TFG: I will not hush! I have the right to keep silent, but you can’t make me! Witch hunt!
ATTORNEY: It’s the case about the payoff to Stormy Daniels.
TFG: She totally lied! It does not look like a mushroom! Here, I’ll prove it.
EVERYONE: NO!
TFG: Either I show you right now, or you have to give me a continuance.
JUDGE: Denied. Bailiff, take him into custody. And issue blindfolds to the jurors, just in case.
On to Top Comments!
From belinda ridgewood:
Really, I should not be awake at 1:30 am, but I'm glad I didn't miss annieli's late-night diary about tfg's ridiculous "Gettysburg address", in particular because then I'd have missed LatteLibertarian's hilariously snarky comment. I'm glad I wasn't drinking a latte myself when I got to the part about Robert E. Lee!
From inkstainedwretch:
Nomination before Ohio deadline. elenacarlena replies to jfromga on Munchausen’s diary Ohio AG *REJECTS* Provisional Certification Solution to Put Biden on the Ballot - Is Court Next?. Even if Biden somehow cobbles together 270 Electoral votes, without Biden on the Ohio ballot, would that depress Dem turnout and thus weaken our odds to keep Senator Sherrod Brown and hold onto our Senate majority?
Top mojo, courtesy of mik:
Picture quilt, created by jotter, brought back by elfling & the help desk crew: